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Hofi nagy igazgágai

2011.08.20

Én elszabtam,
te elszabtad,
ő elszabta,
mi elszabtuk;
ha elszabtuk,
hát elszabtuk,
utólag már szabhatjuk.

A lét határozza meg a tudatot. Ha megisszuk a lét, a tudat elszáll.

Az igazságból elveszett az "i"!

Az élet olyan, mint a motor. Be kell rúgni, másként nem megy.

Jön majd más, ki szeret téged, hidd el kislány, ez az élet, rohanó suhanó szó.

Kell egy kis áramszünet
Időnként mindenkinek,
És aztán megint mehet
Minden tovább.


Sam-sem,
sam-sem,
nincs egy vasam sem.

Én vagyok a magyar népgazdaság.
Azért vagyok felakasztva, mert így legalább úgy látszik, mintha állnék.


Hidd el nekem, itt hármat foghatsz:
A Kossuthot, a Szabad Európát meg a pofádat.


A temetőre az van kiírva: FELTÁMADUNK!
Akkó má' jobb a kocsma, me' oda meg az, hogy SOSE HALUNK MEG.


A fociban az a lényeg,
hogy a labdát, ahhoz passzold, akin ugyanolyan színű mez van, mint rajtad.
Ja! És futni kell! A vízilabdában ezt már rég kitalálták: aki nem úszik - megfullad.


Magyarországon
az egy főre jutó bunkók száma: kettő.


A világon az emberi ész
van a legjobban szétosztva.
Mindenki meg van győződve róla, hogy neki egy kicsivel több jutott.

Szójapörkölt, szójakolbász, szója fasírt, szólj a nővérkének, hogy befostam!


Te képzeld, a feleségem krumplipürét akart csinálni a rántott húshoz, de amikor kiment a kamrába krumpliért, összeesett, és meghalt. – S'te, mit csináltál? – Há' rizst.

Ez az új magyar üdítőital lett ez a – nem a Pepsi, dehogy –, a Deit. De itt meg köll innom, ha akarom, ha nem!

 - Józsi bácsai, a disznó mennyit fog fialni?... - Mennyi a terv, elvtárs? − 14! - Ezt megmondták a disznónak is? Azé’ jobb, ha maga beszél vele, mégiscsak egy szinten vannak. 

...ott ültek velem szemben Cenzék... Cenzné, meg az ura... Cenzúra.

Anyósom fekszik az ágyon: – ...Jaaaaj. ...Meghalok... Egy pók mászik a plafonon... – Anyuka! Egyszerre csak egy dologgal tessék foglalkozni!

– Megismer?
Mire az eladó: – Nem.
– Én vagyok a vevő!


Az mondja a farkas fiú a róka fiúnak:
-Te, verjük, meg a  nyulat.
-Á, majd, holnap megverjük...
-De ma verjük meg.
-De ma mé', verjük meg?
-Ha van rajta sapka, akkor azé' verjük meg, ha meg nincs rajta sapka, akkor meg azé'...
Odamennek. Agyba főbe verik a nyulat.Azt mondja a farkas másnap megint a rókának:
-Te, megint verjük meg a nyulat!
-Tegnap má' megvertük...
-De ma még...
-De ma mé' verjük meg???
-Kérünk tőle cigarettát. Ha ad füstszűrőst, akkor azé' verjük meg, ha meg ad nem füstszűrőst akkor meg azé'.
Odamentek.
-Te nyúl!Adj egy cigarettát!
-Milyet parancsoltok? Füstszűrőst vagy nem füstszűrőst?
-Nézd az anyja szentségit, megint nincs rajta sapka...

Há' annyi hentes van amelyik üres...Ezeket miért nem alakítják át ruhatárnak, a franc érti, nem???A fogas megvan, csak meg kell számozni
...

...Ez egyszerűen felháborító, elvtársak. Ezt nem csinálhatjuk meg, elvtársak Ezt elvtársak, a járás dolgozó népével nem csinálhatjuk meg, elvtársak. Nem, elvtársak. Illetve elvtársak, csak nem csinálhatjuk meg...

Te, 'sti a feleségeddel hogyan csináljátok? Te vagy felül? – Nem, úgy tériszonyom van. – S'allú'? – Úgy meg fulladok. – S'ódarrú'? – Úgy meg nem látom a tévét.


 

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